i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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