I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Randomize