so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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