i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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