But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
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You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
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He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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