I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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