Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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