then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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