I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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