My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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