I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
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airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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