it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize