My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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