remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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