rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we made out on top of his cat.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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