totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize