i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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