you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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