no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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