Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
being pregnant is like rehab
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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