if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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