Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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