lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
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