dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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