I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize