She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
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In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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