I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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