He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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