Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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