Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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