Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize