just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize