well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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