I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
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Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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