so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize