so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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