i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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