my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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