Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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