If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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