They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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