Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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