My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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