If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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