I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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