Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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