the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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