Well douche your snatch and let's go!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
you had me at cake vodka
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize