he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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