he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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